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Mirror mirror

Over the past few weeks/months I’ve found out that it’s very hard to take a good look in the mirror and then try to see for yourself what others seem to see quite obvious: that something is wrong with you.

Sure, you can watch all you want, and see everything there is to see. But sometimes you just need to look a little bit further than just the exterior. Some troubles don’t present themselves to you on the outside, no matter if just about everyone else seems to be able to spot them a mile away and you come to a point where a quick glance in the mirror before leaving to work just won’t do anymore.

A couple of months ago, when we were having the annual evaluation at work, I found out that in general they tend to see me as a team player which, to be honest,  was a little bit of a surprise to me. Had you asked me, I would have told you that I usually don’t need anyone to do my job which to my knowledge is not exactly team minded. But they explained that my instinctive insight of how well people were feeling, and therefore functioning, was a great value to them and they really appreciated me ringing the alarm bell every now end then. Well, yes. Okay. That bit I did recognize. ;-)

So how come you’re able to spot such things when they are only marginally happening to others so much easier than when it’s so very obviously happening to yourself? Or even worse: why can’t you find out what’s wrong even if you already do know something is the matter? Both difficult, if not mind-boggling questions if you ask me, but slowly I’m finding out pieces of the answers which should shed some light on the how and why I’ve been feeling so terribly down over the past period.

I have to credit the people at my work for putting up with my erratic behavior lately because I haven’t been ‘me’ for a long long time. I almost can’t remember the day when I was at work on time, and have been oversleeping myself way more than is good for me. Another consequence of the sleeping problems I’ve been having.

Last week I had a really good chat with my manager at work because, even though she’s not always around an in general pretty busy, she too had seen that I hadn’t been good old Biek lately and wanted to know if everything was alright. The short answer was a simple ‘no’ but I wasn’t able to give her a longer one because then I just didn’t know what actually was wrong. So irritating. ‘Are you ok?’ ‘Erm, no’ ‘So what’s the problem then?’ “I don’t know …’ Hopeless.

Basically what it comes down to is that you need to take a good hard look into that mirror and you need to ask yourself how you’re doing. And you shouldn’t take that usual ‘mwoah, alright I guess’ for an answer. I’ve been trying to put the things that bother me lately down on paper over the past few days and I think/hope I found out what’s been the main problem all along, and a few minor bugs too.

So yesterday I made the first step towards a possible solution and already I think I’ve slept a bit better last night. Confessing to yourself what’s wrong and confronting it already lifted a huge load from my shoulders and immediately felt good. I could sure use a couple of good nights sleep so I’m hoping that it will be a upward spiral from now on again.

I guess what they say is true: life is funny, but not haha funny …

See you around folks.

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Categories: Uncle Biek
  1. lubz
    Feb 4, 2007 at 12:50

    i read your article. it’s amazing how much i can relate to it. i absolutely loved what you wrote and i think you write very fluently. keep up the good work

  2. Feb 9, 2007 at 15:54

    Thanks! Though it may sound a little odd, mainly due to what the article was about, I’m still ‘glad’ you liked it. :-)

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