Home > Uncle Biek > Sleepers


Morning. It’s me versus the other traffic again. Mind you that this bit might be a little biased as I woke up very (read: way too) early this morning with a blasting headache and it’s only just starting to fade away … Please bare with me, just like some of the others on the road had to do this morning …

One of the things I don’t like (can’t stand is actually more like it but that sounds so desperate) is when people are driving their cars but at the same time seem to be doing anything but driving their cars. Instead they are busy talking on the phone, or messing with the radio, doing their hair, makeup, or whatever else; but they are not focusing on their goram driving!

Sleepers is what I call them and future patients is what they are, ignorant, dangerous and in fact ready for a straightjacket for all I care. If only I could pull them over and take their license away. Permanently. That would a) teach them and b) slowly but surely solve my traffic problem on that route. Anyway, back to reality …

So what happens with those sleepers anyway? Why do they bother me this much and really get on my nervous like this? I tell you why.

Their cars drift all over their lane (and occasionally even outside it) because they don’t actually follow the road but merely ‘notice’ it every once and a while, making abrupt corrections to the direction they are going. They don’t maintain a constant speed anymore, slow down more and more and when they notice it quickly speed up again to catch up. Things like that.

What they somehow don’t seem to realize is that a car is one of the easiest to buy, but most instable weapons of our time. If I buy a gun and lay it on the table, nothing happens. If I have a grenade and don’t pull the pin, no kaboom, no fireworks.

A moving car, however, can’t be left alone for a split second. It has no safety catch, can’t take care of things itself, nor make any decisions should things go bad. It has to be controlled every tenth of a second of the journey or things can go very bad, very soon. It really gets to me how blaze people just wonder across the road, multitasking their way to wherever they’re going.

At an average speed of eighty kilometers an hour a car travels over twenty meters a second. A second! Replace a CD and look at the radio for 5 seconds means you’ve moved up the road a whopping hundred meters already! Think of what can happen when something was just fifty meters in front of you when you started changing that CD …

I think that apart from tail gating (which I absolutely frickin’ hate but only affects me and can be easily dealt with :-) this kind of behavior has to be the most irritating I can come across on the road. And I guess what’s bothering me most is that there’s nothing I can do about it. Nothing at all.

So the only solution I have for myself is just to pass them ASAP and leave them behind. It doesn’t solve the problem, but it does for me. And with ASAP I mean the first, safe possibility I get. So when that opportunity arises I kick the IFO back a gear (or two if I’ve been stuck for too long already) and pass them as fast as I the IFO can take me.

Done. Over with. ‘Objects in mirror are no longer of concern.’ Sweet dreams sleeper, hope you hit a big tree and not some innocent person.’

You’d think it would end there wouldn’t you? You’d be wrong though. Usually it does to be honest and I can continue on my way, blowing off steam while I’m at it. But sometimes it doesn’t stop there.

Some people suddenly start blaming me for passing them. As if it’s all my fault they are complete morons and it suddenly became illegal to pass dangerous drivers. The nerve some people have, it’s unbelievable! Some feel the need to flash their headlights at me or suddenly ‘wake up’ and start tailgating me like crazy like I’m the bad guy all of a sudden.

One thing I never, ever do is facing other drivers while I’m on the road. No matter how you look at them or whatever takes place, a look or gesture can be misunderstood very easily so I just look at the road and the cars and if I really have the irresistible urge to do some talking I let the IFO do it. Easy. I tell you that little black car speaks in a language everyone understands. Cristal clear.

So while passing those driving road hazards I don’t look, just drive around them and continue on my way. Even though I’m not watching I can feel their ‘surprised’ look sticking in the back of my head. ‘What? What did I do?’ ‘ Nothing, really, you’re doing fine. And you should keep on doing it, just not in front of me anymore.’ Hopeless, absolutely hopeless.

I had one of those basket cases behind me this morning and when I decided I had enough I politely asked the IFO to decrease some of it’s speed. As usual it happily complied without braking a sweat (got to love that cheery little car) so if anyone asks who left those two deep black lines, which started on the road and ended on the sidewalk, somewhere near the town of Reek came from I can confirm that it was a very ‘surprised’ looking fellow in a terribly blue Renault Megane Coupe.

I hope he wasn’t able to find his phone back after he dropped it, it’s probably stuck in the ventilation system somewhere in the front I guess … goram b*stard.

Sorry for confronting you with all of this, I do hope you get my point though. You know how they always say ‘Don’t drink and drive’ but I would really like to see that changed into ‘Just drive’. Maybe Nike® can be talked into helping out with the campaign.

Have a nice weekend folks, my headache now is almost back to normal (yes that sounds strange but feels a lot better than this morning) and I’ll live. No really, I will.

Categories: Uncle Biek
  1. Stevie
    Mar 16, 2007 at 14:15

    Well I gotta tell ya its irritating. Thats a fact for sure. They should be giving a big fat fine by the cops. But giving them a wake-up call by breaktesting isn’t making the road a safer place. I wonder where the “teaching” is in that and what you are “teaching” them. I only makes them agressive I guess and thats not a good spirit on the road..as you said so yourself: cars are dangerous weapons in the wrong hands…
    Drive safe, Bro :-)

  2. Mar 16, 2007 at 14:43

    You missed a vital point here Stevie, it’s a simple matter of action and reaction, so called cause and effect my friend.

    The thing is, I’m not even trying to wake them. I’d rather just leave them be and be on my way. But, if the ‘whoosh’ they hear when my IFO goes by wakes them and causes them to start tailgating me they’ll better be ready for a challenge.

    The only lesson to be learned by them, if any, is to just stay away from the my rear of my car and keep on calling their mothers. That’s all.

  3. Stevie
    Mar 16, 2007 at 15:02

    I think you’re missing a point as well. In the above case its my humble opinion that its your reaction which is causing the effect….:)

    I mean talking about the decreasing of speed by you in the IFO which makes a certain blue megane putting some black stripes on the road. Its that “challnge” part that I’m worried about.

    Don’t get me wrong. I think I find just as much anoying to be tailgated and seeing people calling, reading newspapers etc while driving as you do. But I also think its not safe to react on that by changing my own driving style.

    Mostly I curse them good (grr argh) or get out of their way just to be on the safe side. I hope you are able to do the same, cause I believe its safer…just concerned bout you ;)

  4. Mar 16, 2007 at 16:07

    Ah. Well okay, that’s just where you and I differ then. Believe me I do see your point but it’s just not mine, sorry.

    Now I had prepared a (very) long reply but for now I’ll stick to the core of it, which is what’s below, and save the rest ;-) I don’t want to go and explain nor defend myself, I’m just how I am and that is that.

    Think of it this way, if it makes you feel any better, when I slam the brakes on purpose I can decide exactly how fast I want to slow down, giving them just enough room to breath.

    When I decide not to and five seconds later I have to make an emergency stop, for whatever reason, I’ll slam the brakes so hard there’s probably no way they can ever miss me. All I care about in an event like that is not hitting whatever is in front of me, I honestly don’t care what’s behind me.

    This may sound very hypothetical and maybe even cruel to you but during the morning rush hour, both on the highway and during the journey towards it, this yo-yo effect of traffic happens more than just a few times a week. I’d say daily, but knowing that it’s not exactly every day keeps me from doing so.

    I’m sorry brother, I’m just not the ‘making room’ kinda guy. Just like everyone else I have my place on the road, but I also know it very well, and I’m not moving over.

  5. stevie
    Apr 2, 2007 at 19:07

    Ok we differ on this matter but that doesn’t mean you have to stop posting here ;)

  6. Apr 2, 2007 at 19:30

    LOL Keeping me away will take a little more than just a little difference of opinion Stevie. :-) But you’re right this time bro, I could/should pick up the pace a bit around here.

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